English is a crazy language

by David A Wright (UK)

    One of the vagaries¹ of the English language is that it is not phonetic. That is to say, it is not always possible to tell how a word should be pronounced from its spelling. The main reasons for this are historical. English was not ‘invented’ logically, but has been developed over many hundreds of years, taking in words from other languages as its source material.

    Much of English has derived from the so-called ‘romance’ languages; those ultimately derived from Latin, like French, Spanish, Italian and Romanian. As the words came, they tended to bring their spelling with them.

    Other words derived from Germanic sources with their particular spellings. Yet more words, and particularly affixes, came directly from Latin and Ancient Greek which were the primary languages used by scholars in years gone by, and their spellings came along too.

    Finally, many words were borrowed directly from other languages, especially from those countries which were formerly part of the worldwide British Empire: India, Australia, Africa, etc.

    In American English, there have been moves to iron out² many of the anomalies and to eliminate³ duplications. For instance, the British English word ‘travelling’ is spelt ‘traveling’, as the duplicate ‘l’ is thought to be redundant⁴ and, as we know, Americans are always in a hurry! However, in another example, The British English word ‘fulfil’ is spelt ‘fulfill’ across the Atlantic. So there is no consistency there.

    British linguists will maintain that the illogical spellings are useful because they show the origins of the words, thus the ‘ae’ diphthong⁵ in ‘anaemic’, ‘anaesthetic’, etc, betray⁶ its Greek origin.

    Modern students, without a background in the classics, curse⁷ this nostalgic pedantry⁸ and just want to spell words as they sound!

    Another factor is that until fairly recently, with the invention of printing and mass production of books, newspapers, etc, there were no standards for spelling at all – people made it up as they thought fit. For example, William Shakespeare spelt his own name several different ways!

    One final result of all this is that we have many words that are homophones – sounding the same, but spelt differently – and many others which are spelt the same way, but pronounced differently (heteronyms). Some common traps for novices include: flower/flour, hour/our, heir/hair, contest/contest, rebel/rebel etc.

    While all this results in some confusion, it also gives rise to some humorous puns⁹ and other plays on words. Here are some familiar examples to confuse students of English as a foreign language.

¹ vagary – причуда
² to iron out – сглаживать
³ to eliminate – устранять
⁴ redundant – чрезмерный
⁵ diphthong – дифтонг (сочетание в одном слоге двух гласных звуков, не разделённых согласными)
⁶ to betray – выдавать
⁷ to curse – кощунствовать
⁸ pedantry – педантичность (строгость в выполнении всех требований, чрезвычайно точность и аккуратность)
⁹ pun – игра слов; каламбур

Can you read and understand these correctly?

1. The bandage was wound¹ around the wound2.
2. The farm was used to produce³ produce⁴.
3. The dump⁵ was so full that it had to refuse⁶ more refuse⁷.
4. We must polish⁸ the Polish⁹ furniture.
5. He would lead¹⁰, but could not be led, until he died of lead¹¹ poisoning.
6. The soldier decided to desert¹² his dessert¹³ in the desert¹⁴.
7. Since there is no time like the present¹⁵, he thought it was time to present¹⁶ the present¹⁷.
8. A bass¹⁸ was painted on the head of the bass¹⁹ drum.
9. I did not object²⁰ to the object²¹.
10. The insurance was invalid²² for the invalid²³.
11. I went to see the sea and spilt tea on my tee shirt.
12. There was a row²⁴ among the oarsmen about how to row²⁵ and in which row²⁶ they would sit.
13. Come here and hear what I have to say.
14. The maid made a mess of²⁷ the housework.
15. Without its fur, a bear²⁸ would be bare²⁹ and could not bear30 the cold weather.
16. Come here if you want to hear.
17. An apple and a pear are not a pair.
18. She won one race!

¹ wound – намотанный
² wound – рана
³ to produce – производить
⁴ produce – продукты
⁵ dump – мусорная куча
⁶ to refuse – отвергать
⁷ refuse – мусор
⁸ to polish – полировать
⁹ Polish – польский
¹⁰ to lead – возглавлять, руководить
¹¹ lead – свинцовый
¹² to desert – оставлять
¹³ dessert – десерт
¹⁴ desert – пустыня
¹⁵ present – данный момент
¹⁶ to present – преподносить
¹⁷ present – подарок
¹⁸ bass – окунь
¹⁹ bass – басовый
²⁰ to object – возражать
²¹ object – предмет
²² invalid – недействительный
²³ invalid – больной
²⁴ row – ссора, перебранка
²⁵ to row – грести
²⁶ row – ряд
²⁷ made a mess of – напортить
²⁸ bear – медведь
²⁹ bare – голый
³⁰ to bear – выносить